“I hate my father and I am depressed because of it.” I feel embarrassed to admit it to people, but this is the truth that I’ve been keeping for years. I’m struggling due to this hatred and it makes me sink into depression. Then, unconsciously, it gets worse when the feeling also affects my well-being as an individual.
Watching your kid growing up is a pleasant life experience. As time passes, you are grateful to have them beside you.
But parenting is not over. It never is.
Even though you are content with how your children turn, there’s something that is more important than that.
Parenting is about the way of nurturing and developing your kid. It’s the art to mold children’s characteristic traits and ensure that they have a good upbringing.
Will you be able to parent well enough? Not only you need to perform well as parents from your perspective, but also from your children’s side.
Because poor parenting ability can negatively affect how your children grow up.
You have to know that as a parent, you are responsible to carry up your child’s life such as showing the right way to live in order to have a strong survival skill.
You can’t easily neglect that responsibility.
Why Do I Hate My Parents?
Since the moment you decided to have a child, you are being put responsible to raise them and dedicate a part of your life to them.
Alongside, you have to be an example for your child.
You are obliged to be a true role model to shape your child’s characteristics and personality. When done correctly, your children grow to be responsible and functioning adults who contribute to society and the people around them.
No, it’s not an easy task.
In a sense of that parent’s role, you might have seen a video of a father that came viral on an online platform. It sets an example of how he still tries to take responsibility to fulfill his family needs onward, despite his old age.
From that video, I can sum up that he is a kind of an ideal father that maybe some children expect to have—at least I do.
Because honestly, he is a father-figure that I wished I had. Sometimes, I wonder if my father would play his role and take care of his family.
At least this way, I wouldn’t have to admire anyone else as a role model.
There was once when my father did that kind of hard-work. But frankly speaking, he just earned and hoard it for himself.
I can say that my father was just a selfish person with no sense of responsibility to his family. He chose to be a neglectful parent and this brought consequences that eventually put the whole family into ruin.
Up to this day, he doesn’t want to change anything running in the family. The situation forces me to live in the same condition year-to-year that eventually leads to depression.
Why do I hate my parents? Because he does not take responsibility to take care of his family and provide for any of us.
How It Affects Me as a Child
What would you say when someone asks you about your parents—especially about your father?
This question may walk you down the line and help you recollect your opinion of your father’s appearance or personality.
You will make it into a good description of your father if you know that you have such a good father at home. If that’s the case, consider yourself lucky.
For me, it would be an awful story when I get to describe my father.
What am I supposed to tell when I realize that my father is a selfish, irresponsible, and arrogant father?
As I grow up, I realize that my father is not someone I can be proud of.
Although when I was a little girl, I was very proud of my father, like every other child would. I saw him as an empowering father—as he could influence people to trust him to be a local leader, and I admired him for that.
Yet once I was fully grown, I saw how my admiration towards him was nonsense.
I come to understand that he can’t carry out his leadership properly. He is an abusive leader and father figure.
What’s worse is that I often see him insult people and family members who—according to him—have a lack of intelligence.
I confess that when we have different opinions on matters, he will undoubtedly verbally abuse and mock me. He goes all his way out saying that I’m a worthless and disobedient child.
He declares himself as a good father and preaches people to do good. But he just let it out of his mouth because he never acts upon what he says.
Why do I hate my parents? It’s because he is a hypocrite.
In short, he has a horrible personality and behavior that no parents should have. He doesn’t care about his duty to earn money for the family. He knows it, he does it intentionally, and I hate him for that.
I have no doubt to genuinely call him a heartless father that neglects his family in need. We are pushed to provide for ourselves and this causes lots of financial problems.
For that reason alone, I was forced to make money to provide for myself at an early age. This led to social pressure that I felt from people around me.
Do my parents hate me? I don’t know. Frankly, I don’t want to know. The day where I long for my father’s attention was long gone.
There was some time when I had to serve and please everyone. I would feel guilty and blame myself when I couldn’t do or give what they wanted andI didn’t mind.
But now after years of sacrifices, I finally feel resentful. I have found that I don’t want to be a people-pleaser anymore. I am worn out of carrying so much burden on my shoulder alone.
Such an ugly attitude has also impacted my love-life. For me, it’s hard to trust someone and be in a long-term relationship.
My father’s behavior affects my perception of men and I’ve become selective when it comes to choosing a life partner.
I’m afraid of choosing the wrong person and being in the same situation again.
At the back of my brain, I am pushed by my unconscious-self that I have to find the right person.
A man who can prove that he is different from my father and a man who is willing to take together the responsibilities when we become parents, partner, and family.
Managing the Hatred
I’m just a normal human being who can’t constantly balance everything out.
I’m mentally drained from feeling that I am responsible for almost everything. Not to mention that I have to keep the household finance afloat.
All at the same time.
I feel like my happiness has been robbed and gone that it doesn’t belong to me anymore.
And the person who has caused all these to happen is my father. Because he has let me struggle and suffer alone, which now gets me into depression.
When I have time alone, I will suddenly cry out loud and blame my father for all the burdens that he hung up on me. I also blame him for being a selfish and irresponsible father.
It only got worse when I unconsciously had suicidal thoughts.
I know it’s wrong to have that thought in my mind. But at that moment, I thought that it could be an option to end this pain and cut out all the burdens.
I finally come to my senses and see that suicide is never the answer to anything. My death might not affect him, but it surely would affect people who care about me.
The way I see it, I have to outlive my father and reach a certain level of success and happiness that will make him extremely jealous.
I will not let him know that he gets me.
At first, this was my thought;
After all the hard times took place, I hope that my father will realize that he has done so many mistakes to his family. So I can release this hatred bit by bit then have a peaceful life ahead.
But the fact is, I cannot rely on him to heal my wounds.
No, it’s not possible.
So, I did what I could—relying on myself.
#1. I accept the situation as it is
Yes, I have a horrible father and yes, I hate him.
But I will not allow his horrible behavior and personality affect me anymore. I learn to accept him as he is and still talk to him.
Some days were OK. Some other days? Not so. It can even be dreadful with lots of shouting and accusations.
Sometimes, I feel worthless and useless, and I let myself feel that way. I cry it all out and when I am finally calm, I can tell that all the things he says to me are not true.
#2. I stay calm and don’t argue
Arguing with my father is impossible.
When he starts yelling and shouting, I give him the time and let him finish. Once he did, I either offered him something to drink or left the house.
It depends on how bad he treats me that day, then I will react accordingly. If I don’t think I can take it, I will leave him alone immediately.
#3. I surround myself with positive people
After getting all the negativity from my parents, I need to let it all out. Usually, I call a friend and talk to them for an hour.
On another day, I may also go out with my friends and share my thoughts with them.
It works for me because their positive energy and point of view really helps me to reshape my thoughts about myself.
#4. I focus on myself
I am a grown up and I am responsible for myself. Although my parents clearly did not do their best to provide the environment for my best development, I can still do few things right.
I do what I like and give me good feelings. It helps me to divert my mind. The more I am occupied with myself, the less I think about the negativity in the family.
#5. I believe in myself
The past stays in the past. What matters is the future and I would like my future to be brighter than today. I believe that I can be better, do better, and get better.
That is the reason I take many courses to improve my ability. It helps me to feel confident, skillful, and of course, better than my father.
At the moment, that is all I need to do.
This story is written by one of our readers at Parenting-Hub. The writer sends her story via e-mail, and we have her permission to publish her story.