Last Updated on February 10, 2024 by Elise Schiller
Porn addiction in a marriage can bring severe problems to the romance in the bedroom. Statistically, more men watch porn content compared to women. This continued behavior can severely damage a marriage if not taken seriously. In this article, a reader shares her side of a story where her husband is addicted to porn.
Pornographic material these days is more easily accessible than ever. After all, it’s free and accessible to even the most ignorant internet user.
Although this particular activity involves both sexes, it has been observed that men watch porn movies on a more frequent basis than women. Some even to such an extent that they neglect their own partners.
A reader shared her personal story, saying that porn almost destroyed her marriage.
Porn Almost Destroyed My Marriage – A Story From a Reader
I remember it was 2018 and our third child had just been born. Our oldest daughters were aged three and one and our lives were more chaotic than ever. In addition, the last pregnancy was extremely difficult and the birth a painful experience that tore me apart mentally and physically.
I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. My idol was another woman I found repulsive. She had no femininity and looked old.
Months went by and I couldn’t get rid of the extra pounds I had gained during the last two pregnancies. I didn’t have the courage to treat myself and my self-confidence was in tatters.
During that time, my husband and I had become very distant. He may have been helping me a lot with the kids and taking care of the house, but our relationship had cooled somehow. I thought it was my fault and the guilt tormented me.
He had stopped calling me beautiful or complimenting me, things he used to do every day. He wasn’t affectionate anymore and we didn’t have sex at all. He made no move to approach me as if he didn’t care. I was very worried. I was afraid he didn’t want me anymore.
One night I woke up late in the night and saw that he was not in our bed. I got up and went to the kitchen. Then I saw that his office door was ajar. Without making any noise, I approached and took a look at the room. Then I saw him.
He was watching erotic movies on his computer.
I didn’t speak to him and went back to our room where I burst into tears. My husband was in the mood for sex just not with me.
Days passed and I still hadn’t spoken to him. I was ashamed to tell him that I had seen him and I felt disappointed in him. I chose silence and it almost cost me my marriage. He continued to seek pleasure in erotic movies and I was wallowing in misery.
At one point, due to a trivial reason, we had a very bad fight and then Aeolos’ pouch opened. I told him everything.
I accused him of making me feel inadequate. After the children were born, she knew very well how much I struggled every day to love my body and myself again. But he had chosen not to care.
He didn’t say anything. He knew he had hurt me. That night we slept in separate rooms and the next morning, after he apologized, we decided together to see a marriage counselor.
It was a difficult process where hard truths were heard from both. But we didn’t want to break up. We loved each other and had promised each other to face all problems and challenges together. And that’s what we did.
It took us a long time and required a lot of personal ‘work’, but luckily we found our balance again and today we are better than ever.
Porn Addiction in a Marriage: Is Your Partner Addicted to Sex?
Porn addiction can root in sex addiction. Before we dig deeper into porn addiction in a marriage, let’s talk about sex addiction.
Sex addiction is defined as the lack of control over sexual thoughts and urges. While sexual urges are natural, sex addiction only refers to behaviors that become excessive and significantly affect one’s life in a negative way.
Addiction is a dependency and in the case of sex, it can carry just as serious risks as substance addiction.
Sex addicts may change their activities to perform sexual acts persistently, unable to control their behavior despite any consequences.
This compulsive sexual behavior can have serious personal consequences. Like drug or alcohol addiction, sex addiction can affect physical health, mental health, personal relationships, and quality of life.
The person with sex addiction has an inability to control their behavior. He is in constant search of sex and as a result, the addiction has serious effects on his personal and professional life.
At the same time, the dangers lurking for this person are not few. Let’s not forget that the judgmental ability of the addicted person does not work well. When uncontrolled, he is at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and other similar conditions.
Finally, the person who is addicted to sex ends up seeing sex as the solution to every problem. When he has stress, work pressure, or family problems, the person will turn to sex instead of trying to solve them.
Sexual addictions can come in many different forms, including addiction to:
- Sexual acts
- Prostitution
- Watching or consuming pornography
- Masturbation or sexual fantasy
- Exposure or voyeurism
What Causes Sex Addiction?
There are a number of theories surrounding sex addiction, some perhaps more specific than others. Although research shows that sex addiction often occurs as a result of the following scenarios:
- A person who has a strong desire to control (impulsive control)
- When a person is diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Diagnosed with relationship disorder
- A person who uses sex as a way to cope with past trauma (such as childhood trauma and/or sexual abuse)
The Signs of Sex Addiction
Porn addiction does not happen overnight. Most porn addiction comes from excessive sex thoughts or urges. That is why it is important to understand sex addiction before jumping to porn addiction. Here are some signs of sex addiction that may lead to porn addiction:
1. Obsessive Sexual Thoughts
One of many signs of sex addiction is that a person spends too much time on sex. Sex overwhelms the life of the person who is addicted, in a way that leaves no time for other activities or social contacts.
A person may also prioritize sexual behavior over other forms of relaxation or hobbies. Relationships with friends, family, and colleagues may be severed or troubled because of this.
2. Neglecting Responsibilities
Sex addicts often put their desire for sex above family obligations, work responsibilities, and almost anything else not related to sex. This can lead to financial hardship, job loss, and even divorce if the neglect continues to get out of control.
3. Feeling remorse or guilt after sex
Shame and guilt often accompany most addictions, and this is also prevalent when it comes to eating disorders. The more the person eats, the guiltier they feel. The same is true of sexual commitment. I
t feels good right now, but after a while, not so much. The kind of “emotional hangover” that a sex addict often experiences after engaging in risky sexual behavior is nothing to be envied.
4. Engaging in risky or inappropriate behaviors or contempt for risky sexual behavior:
In some cases, sex addiction can lead to inappropriate and/or risky sexual behaviors. This can include sex in public places, unprotected sex, sex with extradited persons, etc.
Everyday life becomes a constant and anxious search for sex even online.
5. Constantly watching porn
This is the thread that may connect porn addiction to sex addiction. Constantly engaging in porn and sexual fantasies is another sign that someone may be suffering from sex addiction. This can cause a lot of problems, as real sex often can’t live up to the kind of porn scenarios people see online or on TV.
6. Inability to discuss the problem
If you have ever tried to talk to an alcoholic about their drinking, then you will likely encounter the same problem as a person who is addicted to sex. You will likely experience the same level of denial and inability to open up and discuss the problem.
7. Committing criminal sexual offenses
In some extreme cases, people may engage in criminal activities such as stalking, rape, or child molestation. While some sex offenders may also be addicted to sex, there is no evidence that sex addiction can lead someone to commit sex crimes.
Porn Addiction in a Marriage and How It Affects the Bedroom Romance
Among other sexual problems, porn addiction is one of the emerging and ever-increasing problems. Compulsive masturbation, sexual dysfunction, and changes in sexual behavior are symptoms of porn addiction.
Pornography promotes sexist and violent behavior in men. It reduces commitment to the relationship, pushing the person to emotional disconnection from their partner.
Porn addiction can also cause anxiety, frequent masturbation, and an inability to concentrate. It is a type of sexual addiction that creates behavioral problems and can negatively affect a person’s life.
The ability to access pornography over the internet has become very easy for people from all over the world. Some studies show that brain activity in people with sexual disorders who watch porn is similar to that of people who take drugs.
Read Also: Does Sex During Pregnancy Cause Miscarriage? Here’s the Answer
Signs and Symptoms of Porn Addiction
Watching too much porn is one of the first signs. Of course, it is difficult to assess how much porn is too much porn. But when it starts to negatively affect your life or your relationship with your partner, then you have your answer.
As with other addictions, porn addicts also exhibit certain signs and symptoms. Here are some telling signs and symptoms that a person is addicted to porn:
- Porn has become an addiction when it alters your daily behavior or interferes with taking responsibility.
- When a person spots watching porn, there is a sense of emotional distress or withdrawal.
- Compulsive masturbation.
- Sexual dysfunction such as impotence or premature ejaculation is often seen in those who are addicted to pornography.
- It can become difficult to be stimulated by your partner.
- Sexual behaviors may change. For example, intimate, romantic behavior may become more aggressive or dominant.
- Watching too much porn can also create depressed or unpleasant moods and emotions. The addict may turn to more porn to avoid these feelings.
What Causes Porn Addiction?
No one knows the exact causes of porn addiction. However, there are some possible influencing factors. These are biological, psychological, and social.
1. Biological Factors
There is a possibility that you have a genetic inclination, which pushes you to constantly seek sensations.
High levels of your sex hormones such as testosterone and estrogen can affect your sexual activity. If you have impulsive behavior and are very sexually active, you may be over-exposed to porn.
2. Psychological Factors
Early experiences such as sexual abuse or exposure to sexual content may contribute to enhancing interest in porn.
Sometimes, certain mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, personality disorders, and sexual performance anxiety can lead to addiction.
3. Social Factors
Rejection in relationships can force individuals to find other ways to be sexually satisfied. This includes watching pornography which can lead to porn addiction.
Social isolation can increase the likelihood of seeking sexual satisfaction in different ways. This can lead to porn addiction and inappropriate sexual behaviors.
A person’s behavior may be influenced by his peers. If your significant other or a group of friends is involved with pornography, it may also affect his own sexual behavior.
Negative Consequences of Porn Addiction in a Relationship
Pornography has been shown to have a negative impact on men’s attitudes towards women. It promotes sexist behavior between men, hostile sexism against women, violent behavior, objectification, and degradation.
Watching pornography can lead to relationship problems because it can increase the person’s expectations of their partner. The person may want similar sexual activities to those they watch in porn videos. When these are not fulfilled, he may choose emotional isolation or show reluctance to commit.
Additionally, excessive exposure to porn can affect sexual arousal. Men who engage in excessive pornography reporting find their partner less attractive, which in turn affects the sexual experiences of both.
Watching pornography when the person is addicted to it minimizes the excitement for real experiences. The systematic pursuit of more and more exciting ways to experience satisfaction may not be possible in real life. It can also lead to the following adverse physical effects.
- Sexual impotence with partner
- Frequent masturbation with little satisfaction
- Anxiety
- Lack of motivation
- Inability to concentrate
- Interest in unusual and unrealistic sexual experiences
Getting Rid of Porn and Sex Addiction
Can a sex addict change? Yes, although it may require treatment by a medical professional such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, or sex therapist.
Depending on the underlying cause and how it manifests in one’s personal life, treatment can vary. If sex addiction occurs along with another underlying anxiety or mood disorder, the treatment plan may also include medication.
Porn addiction is something that can be controlled at a young age. If it has come to your attention that your teen is watching pornographic material, talk to him about the problems it can cause in his life. Likewise, if your partner is addicted to pornography, make sure you address the problem together. Don’t be the reason he feels more guilty. If you don’t succeed, ask for help from an expert.
The Bottom Line
Overcoming porn addiction in a marriage requires help from a partner. A couple must work together and accept that they have a problem and want to deal with it.
Recognizing the problem and having a will to solve it will greatly contribute to a successful outcome. Some recommended treatment for a severe case of porn addiction is Cognitive-Based Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Contact your health expert to ask for help and recommendation for the best treatment you can get.